-Quotable Quotes-

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

Albert Einstein

Friday, March 19, 2010

It's when All These Indescribable Feelings tried to be described

Assalamualaikum and a very good day mate!
Dear Readers,

Warning: This post is going to be long. For those who dislike to read long posts, navigate away from this page as soon as possible just simply by clicking the red X button at the top corner.
Thank you.

It has been one challenging weeks indeed.
Have you ever wanting one thing so much in your life, that you prayed days and nights so hard hoping it will come to you but in the end of the day you find out that, that one dream crashing down to earth and there's no way you could possibly change the reality.
Well, I had one.
As many has perceived, that SPM result had been divulged to the public and unfortunately to tell myself and to you guys that I did not pass with flying colours.
It's very embarrassing and frustrating at the same time.
(Tu la atif, sape suruh ko main2 mse blaja dlu.Now, pay the price!)
I don't really get upset because of the result.
It's just that how I feel I disappoint my parents and family upon the results I got, though they never say that they do.
They keep on saying "ok la tu" but indeed it's not okay!
It's actually far from okay.
Well, anyways, that's life.
There are ups and there are downs.
And for million times I've been told never fret, and never frown.
And now, here I am writing this.

It took me awhile to write this as I've been thinking, why in the world I even started blogging?
Is it because of my peers?
Is it because I have nothing better to do?
Is it because I've been told to do so?
Is it because I like to share my thoughts?
Is it because I want to endorse the idea of freedom of speech should be given it's way?
Is it because I want to flaunt every superfluous aptitude that I have and blow my own trumpet?
Is it because I just simply think blogging is something glorious?

Well, I don't really have answers to those questions even though the answers might be just a simple yes or no.
But I do have a question that I can answer:
Is it because it's what had been written in my fate?
Yes, I believe everything happened because Allah wants it to be like that.
And I do believe everything happened for a reason.
So I keep wondering about my SPM result.
Why do I get such result?
Is it because I play too much?
Yes, maybe it's kind of true, but when I look carefully, there's maybe something hidden beneath it.
What if this result is a blessing in disguise?
What if this is a fair reason for me to stay here in Malaysia and do law as planned?
What if this is a perfect destruction to a little voice in my head, which tell me to do law overseas which is perfectly against the idea of my parents who wants me to study in Malaysia?
What if this result simply a wake up call for me to take things more seriously?
What if this result is to repudiate the sense of pride I sometimes have when I achieve something big?
And in the end of the day I just can imagine how I'm going to be if I get straight A's.
I'll apply for all the scholarships I can and push my chances to study overseas.
I'll probably make my parents unhappy with the decision.
I perhaps will not study hard in the future as I might think I am good enough as I get straight A's already(what could be more challenging than getting 11A's: as I might think)
And most probably I'll shout to the world with pride that I got 11A's and will go to all photocopy shops to copy my result in the hidden agenda just want to flaunt it!
What will happen then?
My family will hate me.
My friends will definitely hate me.
And my life will be disastrous!

I mean, what more can I ask for.
Even though I didn't break the family record, my family still love me.
My best friends still treat me just the same.
And yes, I'm still eligible to apply in the course of law locally as I ever wanted.
This situation I am in makes me thrilled by the ayah :

Ayah 216: Surah Al-Baqarah

كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ
Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah know, and ye know not.

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.”

What I want to do next is to move on.
To start things over again.
This climb is my climb anyways, and for those faithful friends who want to lend a hand or shoulders to lean on, I will be more than pleased to accept.
No one says life would be easy, but it will definitely be worth it if we don't give up and stop at a single stumble.
It's better to flunk your SPM but still knowing what to do next, rather than pass it with flying colours but yet still blurry on your future undertakings.
Am I right?
It doesn't matter.
At least I think that way.
So, to those who doesn't get a good result in SPM, no worries.
There are still many doors to be opened by you.
And no matter which way that door leads you to, just believe it's the best for you.
Use your best trenchant judgement to set the path to that door and the path after.
I have set mine, and I'll pray harder it will be a breeze for me.
No matter how many times I will stumble again and bleeds my body, I'll try the best to get up again and strut my way to my gold.

Okay. Done with the SPM thingy already.
I got over it already.
Well, at least I'm half way there.
Life goes one says Leann Rimes.
Viva La Vida says Coldplay.
Not really long post after all.
But after all I don't really know how to describe all these indescribable feelings.
I'm not really sure whether I'm happy, sad or anything.
It's just indescribable!
And let just keep it that way.

Thanks for reading guys!
Take care!